The Almost-Prayer of a Name

There is a certain way a child can carry on that simply *sends* a person. At least me.

This morning I feel tense from my toes on up. My Littlest has been doing *that* kind of carrying on. I am having minor fantasies of a spa with Japanese music and tropical drinks. Sighs :). Instead, I walk past Ann's book, and the calm fragility of the nest, the blue eggs, the hands extended, call to me.

I open pages to October rains, clothespins dripping grace, and I feel more like a wet puppy scratching at the back door, than a woman who is all eyes for the beautiful.

These words sit quiet on the page...

I am blessed.
I can bless.
So this is happiness.

Ann connects this almost-prayer to her name, which means "full of grace." And I stop. What is the meaning of my own name?

Barkat means blessing.

It is easier to bless in the *big* moments— money to missions, the cup of cold water to a man in Grand Central Station. Where I find it harder is right here, where the life-nest feels fragile and a voice has been grating. And a little child is —like me— growing her way towards this almost-prayer...

I am blessed.
I can bless.
So this is happiness.


Quote from Chapter 10 of the beautiful book One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are.

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Blogger Kathleen Overby said...

Simple defined

Blogger Joelle said...

Ah. There is a homeless man sleeping in our greenhouse. Easy to plan sharing warm muffins with him some morning and bringing an unneeded sleeping bag that will surely be warmer than his. Easier than blessing the ones right around me that I love so deeply. Why?

Blogger Unknown said...

It really needs to be 'here' that it becomes real...It's Chapter 4 where she says 'here is the only place I can love Him.' Well, thank You Lord, for Grace. You know each moment of loving You here is a victory and all the rest...covered in Grace...

p.s. I got 'Stone Crossings' last week...it's been busy here, but I'm looking forward to keep going--in the middle of Chapter 2.

Blogger Ann Voskamp @Holy Experience said...

You are your name.

Love you so.

All's grace,

Blogger Connie said...

I'm savoring that chapter and approaching the next...Stone Crossings is also on my "must reads."...lovely vessels you both are...of grace and blessing...you bring blessing to many...especially to those wee ones who grate on you now and then:)

Blogger Solveig said...

I don't know if the study of dance recognizes improv dancing, but musicians recognize jazz. There has to be such a thing if you're experiencing it. Actually, I've experienced it at times. When I was younger, my improvised dances were often wild and I was told by others they were wonderful--whatever that means. I think they referred to spiritual warfare in the pentecostal tradition. Now my "dancing" often centers on my hands--and if I say so myself--the movement is lovely. I couldn't repeat myself, either, but I wouldn't deny the reality I experience for anything. I feel I'm responding to God from the heart--and believe He finds pleasure in the effort. What could be more beautiful--or wonderful? Go for it.

Blogger Emily T. Thomas said...

I have felt like a puppy scratching at the door of my name (liberty) for years...
I am learning to be thankful He is always standing at that door with me. encouraging.

Anonymous Cheryl Smith said...

I love this L. L. The name, how you surely bless, and the knowing of how challenging sometimes. I'll say it with you and Ann. I am blessed. I can bless. So this is happiness.


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