12.4.08

Shut

Sometimes I have no words to say to You. My soul is shut up tight like the buds which set in Fall. Set, layer upon layer in a tight knob of overlapping cloaks, against advancing winter. Layer upon layer.

And so I sit, as if upon a barren branch, waiting for words.

The snows play at my edges, the winds toss and howl. The world is full of sound and fury, but my soul is wrapped in darkness, layer upon layer, silent, waiting.

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4 Comments:

Blogger Val said...

I ache for you as I read this post. All I can say is that I have been there, and I know that God is there for you and with you. Keep pryaing, even when it feels empty. Keep searching, and then one day you will again open to his presense.
I'm praying for you.

12.4.08  
Blogger L.L. Barkat said...

Val, thank you. I always appreciate prayers. :)

It is not so much a feeling of God's presence lost or absent, as it is just a shut, shelled feeling of the soul. Sometimes we get wordless... maybe because we are in a strange place of beginning to see and understand old wounds or maybe because we are simply in new, uncharted territory... don't know.

13.4.08  
Blogger Val said...

Interesting... In the book I just read, Gilbert talks often about meditation and silence in the presence of God. It's not something I'm familiar with or necessarily good at, but I am working on being wordless before God. I think sometimes when we are most quiet, He can truly speak to us.
Good luck in your journey.

13.4.08  
Blogger Sarah said...

I'm adding you to my prayer list of people I care about who are currently wordless in some way ;) Not that it's wrong to lose words for a time...but it seems like a time for God to act. Take care of you.

15.4.08  

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