Becoming Mary

I watch my Littlest ascend the platform, graceful in cranberry satin and black velvet, her tiny violin tucked beneath one arm. She waits. Looks at the director. The piano plays an introduction. She lifts the violin, dark eyes steady, fingers poised.

The director nods, and she begins. This song she has played every day for weeks. This song that is second nature and must visit in her dreams. But the notes do not fit. She looks at the director as the piano plays on. Her fingers search the strings for notes. Any notes that will fit this moment. My Littlest stands very straight, dark eyes steady, even as my throat begins to tighten, my mind race.

The pianist suddenly remembers what key she should be playing in and switches to G. Too late, for now the director is whispering to my Littlest. "Can you play it in D?" Dark eyes steady, my Littlest fumbles to a new string and searches for notes to fit this moment. She finds the tune, but still the notes do not fit. I am sinking into the back of my chair. Breathing quickly. Choking back tears.

After what seems an eternity, the piano and violin come together in the key of D. My Littlest stares, quietly plays this song she has played every day for weeks. This song that is second nature and must visit in her dreams. But who knows any of this? My Littlest looks to be a child who couldn't find the right notes to fit this moment.

And suddenly, in some small, very small way, I think of how Your mother Mary must have felt. As you walked into a world ready to share a grace that You had known forever. But so many people could not see this. Could not hear the beauty of Your song.

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Blogger girlwithmoxy said...

God has given you such a gift of creating meaningful moments with words. I am reading this to my family tonight around our Christmas dinner table. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful lesson!

Blogger Rudy said...

This Christmas, we will be having dinner with some friends (and their family), and most of them have not accepted Christ, yet. I pray that God will give me and my wife the ability to play the song, and the wisdom to share the song at the right time.

Thank you for the post. My Christmas blog entry is not as beautiful as yours. However, I am glad to I'm able to share it with everyone.

Blogger Rachel said...

When I was seven years old, I played violin. At the Christmas recital, I was the very last child to play, and when I began, I realized my violin had gone out of tune. I had to play my whole song out of tune, and I was horrified, but appear very composed on the video. After I finished, my teacher came up to the stage and tuned the violin so it was pitch perfect for the next song I played with my dad on the guitar. I identified with your daughter in this post, and enjoyed so much seeing it from a mother's perspective. Beautiful writing.

Blogger Spencer said...

I am sure it was beautiful. Wonderful words.

Blogger Sarah said...

I feel deeply for you and your daughter and I'm not sure why.

I've spent a lot of time with Mary's story this Advent and I second your thoughts here. What it must have been like to know what she knew and have people respond like we all know they did...wow.

Blogger Ted M. Gossard said...

Amen, L.L. Amen.

Blessings on you and yours this new year, and beyond.

Blogger Charleybrown said...

Your words touched me in a personal way especially since I was needing words of encouragement at this moment. Thinking of how rejected the child Jesus makes my issues look trite.

thanks for sharing


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